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Thank you everyone who made our wedding wonderful!

 

Here is our address now:

5316 South Dorchester Ave Apt. 405

Chicago, IL 60615 

 

Peace and Love,

P + S

I love being home in Dothan.  I don’t have to know someone for them to be happy about my wedding. (10 days!) After I told the lady at Goodwill that my future husband is pursuing his doctorate to be a college professor, she said, “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!” Why thank you, nice lady at Goodwill. 

That’s another cool thing about Dothan- doesn’t matter what career you have, your pedigree, degree, etc, people are just as warm as they can be to you. I would feel happy even with just the well wishes of strangers.

But- I have many close friends coming to our party…well, reception…but, really, party. I can’t wait to see each of you!

Patrick will be here in three days…I’m having trouble sleeping 🙂

Excitment!

four weeks to go!

i wrote the following a while ago. i was home on vacation and i missed everything about him, as i miss him now. my consolation is that i will be his wife in only four weeks.

 

 

i long for you
i want to see just a glimpse of the light in your eyes that quickens the light in mine
i want to follow close behind you as you walk quickly, talk excitedly, move with spreading fire motion on your path of creative destruction
i want to watch, with you, time die away and fall in little pieces at our feet
i long for everything in you

the days could not pass quickly enough, love.

So, everyone should soon receive our, or their, wedding invitations.  Just to clarify, the poem excerpt that appears within is my own.  I wrote it for Sarah back when she was having a particularly hard time with life and stuff (and it was raining!).  I thought it might be fun to let everyone see the full context of the excerpt.  The words in italics are particularly special “words” exchanged between sarah and myself.

Caelum

Perhaps with such dreamy, sleepy, half-closed eyes
obscuring and skewing,
you did not notice
that in this time
when green is yellow and yellow is green,
when Heaven fiercely clutches with darkened arms,
He is undeniably feeding us all,
healing us all.
Showering us with so many more appropriate words,
ones that we receive
and handover in turn.
Let them have their gaudy, hollow nomers,
those who would seek out decaying luxuries,
who know not of pinkly purple skies and velvet sighs.
Leave for them all the disposables,
and let us feed on unnameables.
Be for me the sturdy roots
and I will be for you high independent branches,
so that together we shall come alive.

By the time you are reading this, Patrick has already cleaned out Williams-Sonoma.

 

And we have 34 days until we’re married!

 

I am excited about starting my new life with my new husband- in the big city of Chicago! It’s a wonderful thing to find my match- my companion in art, God, philosophy and music.

 

Please come to our celebration December 20th!

 

-S.

If you give me enough time to build up the courage, I’ll look you straight in the eyes and tell you that the first moment I saw Sarah walking down the hall I knew she was THE ONE. I will also tell you that despite this knowledge, it did take me a while to honestly start to love her, because as we all know there is a difference between loving a person and loving an ideal.

When I look back over the things I’ve written Sarah, I now notice that there was one instance when those real feelings became apparent. So as not to totally freak her out, I decided to mask the fact that I was writing to her, and professed my feelings in a letter to my niece Emma. I’m not sure if Sarah ever caught on, but what I wrote that night was my promise of things to come.

Dear Emma,

One day, hopefully sooner than later, you will find and be ready for that life-defining love that we’ve always wanted for you. And though you’re Mother may be a little weary of you learning anything more from your crazy uncle, hold fast to my words.

How you will know him: He probably won’t be the most attractive man you’ve ever met (though I could be wrong). Those men have never wanted for anything and have never had to work for anything. They’ve always been given everything their hearts desire and as such, will not truly value exceptional people like you. They will never know the pain of thinking that they might lose you and with such knowledge make the most of you. He will be kind to people and will have the kind of integrity that other people rave about. He will love his mother, because from that love he will know how to love you. He will challenge you starting from the minute you meet, and that’s ok because it means your love will grow. He will be a man that has loved with all his heart only to have it shattered completely. For in so doing, he has learned the frailty of love and it has made the love he will have for you all the more stronger. You will be able to recognize men who have never experienced this, because they will wear their conceit on their sleeve. Be cautious of these men, they are as wolves in a land of sheep. He will not be boastful or try to show-off, because these are signs of low self-esteem, and you will want a man who confidently knows himself, and can give all of himself to you.

How you will know he really loves you: You’ll notice that when you are alone he speaks more softly, more slowly. It will be a tone that belongs to only you. He will love your every virtue, but cherish your every flaw. He will memorize every minute detail that makes up “Emma” simply because he has no other choice. Pick an important memory that you’ve shared. He will be able to recall what was said, what you were wearing, and millions of other seemingly random things without the slightest hesitation. For everything that concerns you is magical to him. He will know when to be strong and when to be gentle. Poetry (of varying quality) will effortlessly flow from his lips because he never believes that he can accurately describe the crashing of emotions that rage within his heart, but he tries nevertheless. He will stare directly into your eyes without flinching because he believes that’s where two souls merge. He will give without thought of reward because you are all that he will ever need, and he knows that he will never be worthy of your affections. So let him, and never mock or chastise the gesture. He will speak truthfully because he trusts in your fidelity. He will defend you through all accusations, endure your hardships as his own, and know how to speak with only a touch. He will lie awake and watch you sleep, hours after you’ve fallen asleep, just to make sure that you aren’t really a dream that might vanish when he closes his eyes. At first he may show you too much, too soon, too often. Be lenient with him, for we are all clumsy in love at first. But slowly we become more sure-footed, and more graceful in our affections. And he will continue to show you more of the great mystery that is his love for you throughout the rest of your lives.

So, take heed my words for I have no reason to lead you astray. No matter how much you may think to the contrary, these men really do exist and are waiting for you to let them love you. Don’t go too long or too far without learning all the things I’ve said.

Love,
Patrick

 

[what an incredibly happy time this is for me]

there are several ways to travel home in baton rouge. the interstate is almost always the quickest, but you have to endure solid concrete walls with decorative engravings that try hard to make the industrial city look purdy. [and/or endure weekend traffic]. burbank drive is another good bet- a little more time, but you’re guaranteed minimal traffic, thus minimal headache. but, if at all possible, take highland drive. a quiet, windows-down drive past antebellum homes, covered by wise old oaks.

we almost always silently agree on highland. i can see him visibly relax in relief, and look at me in a half smile, that twinkle in his eyes- “you knew i wanted to go this way.”

last night, late in the night, we took the shady way home. he turned his head, with his arm sticking out the window, “you are my best friend- i never thought i would have a best friend like you,” in the midst of our music history conversation.

thus started a long string of “i never thought”s.

i never thought i would trust someone as much as i trust you.

i never thought i would find a smart girl.

i never thought i would find you.

which reminds me of the other day, when we sat on the couch, holding each other, looking into each other’s eyes, thinking of how blessed we are- i watched him, he watched me as tears formed in both of our eyes- “you first,” he said, with his half smile, twinkle in his eyes.

knowing that we have many more days to find the right way home and to sigh in relief that, without opening our mouths, we understand.

 

this was one of my first glimpses of how he felt about me. i remember reading it and feeling a sense of importance and a strange sickness in my heart. it quietly uncovered the longing inside of me to find the one person i had been dreaming of…who would think of me, write poetry for me, look at me hopelessly-in-love.

 

this was before i knew he had written poems about me on his website- poems about his “muse”.

 

 

march 27, 2007

 

So I was thinking of posting this, this morning, now that I’ve had the
chance to sleep and collect my thoughts. But since I payed my internet bill
and all, I decided to send it just to you.

Last night when you said, “I knew you were acting,” was like a sucker punch.
The truth is, I’ve been doing a lot of that, and seeing that I’m trying to
embrace this whole self-honesty thingy, I guess it’s time to come clean.
It’s all in my blogs (which you seem to have memorized) though of course it
may be a little veiled. If you reread them knowing that there’s something
else to them; something I’m not saying, you’ll probably get the idea. One
truth is that you make me nervous. Don’t get me wrong it’s a good thing.
You and I have clicked in the most unexpected and lightning fast way, and I
am not familiar with that. Spending time with you is the best part of my
day, which is why I dread the weekends. I too have read everything in your
blog and I agree that it’s like you and I are kindred spirits. And probably
just like you I was wondering if that would ever be possible. Time spent
with you is effortless and that is a nice surprise! Though I may be
sabotaging myself here I just want to be honest and let you know,

Though I’m breaking a fundamental rule by telling you, since I met you, you
have been my Muse.

I don’t know what all that necessarily means, but I know that you inspire
me, and when we talk I’m slowly starting to feel like that person I want to
become. I beginning to think that somehow, in some small way, God sent you
here to help finally fix my brokeness. I just hope I can return the favor.

Patrick

 

 

 

[after he sent this to me, he called me- around 8 in the morning- he was so worried about how i would take it. i was actually honored that he would think so much of me, i already had a high opinion of him. so i told him, “it’s cool…” and he was relieved.]